1Name one old hurt with your spouse that still aches, gently and without re-litigating.
When you were not there that day, it marked me. Naming it is not attacking, it is asking to heal.
Where it sits. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), attachment-based couple intervention
Islamic evidence
Whoever pardons and reconciles, their reward is with God (Qur'an 42:40). Naming a hurt in order to mend it is that road to reconciliation.
“Let harm be requited by an equal harm, though anyone who forgives and puts things right will have his reward from God Himself––He does not like those who do wrong”
Qur'an 42:40
Psychological evidence
Some wounds keep quietly shaping a marriage until they are named. Speaking an old hurt, softly, is how you finally let it begin to heal.
Johnson, S.M. (2019). Guilford
The originator's account of EFT as attachment-based practice.
Review detail
Why it works. Voicing an unhealed attachment injury is the first step to repairing it.
Feedback
none yet2When your spouse names a wound you caused, listen without defending, even once.
Not I didn't mean to. First: I hear that I hurt you, and I am sorry. Defence can wait.
Where it sits. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), attachment-based couple intervention
Islamic evidence
Stand firm for justice even against yourselves (Qur'an 4:135). Hearing how you hurt someone, without defending, is that justice.
“You who believe, uphold justice and bear witness to God, even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or your close relatives. Whether the person is rich or poor, God can best take care of both. Refrain from following your own desire, so that you can act…”
Qur'an 4:135
Psychological evidence
The instinct to explain your intent leaves the wound open. Simply hearing the hurt, and staying with it, is what lets your partner finally feel met.
Johnson, S.M. (2019). Guilford
The originator's account of EFT as attachment-based practice.
Review detail
Why it works. Hearing an injury without defence is what allows the wound to close.
Feedback
none yet3Where the harm has truly stopped, begin to set down a grievance you have carried.
Not forgetting, releasing. Once the wound is no longer being made, let it start to close.
Where it sits. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), attachment-based couple intervention
Islamic evidence
Let them pardon and overlook; would you not love God to forgive you? (Qur'an 24:22). Releasing a settled wrong is nearest to being forgiven.
“Those who have been graced with bounty and plenty should not swear that they will [no longer] give to kinsmen, the poor, those who emigrated in God’s way: let them pardon and forgive. Do you not wish that God should forgive you? God is most forgiving and…”
Qur'an 24:22
Psychological evidence
Holding a grievance your partner has genuinely changed keeps a healed wound open. Once the harm has stopped, letting it go frees you both.
Johnson, S.M. (2019). Guilford
The originator's account of EFT as attachment-based practice.
Review detail
Why it works. Forgiveness, once safety returns, frees the bond from the weight of the past.