InInshirahislamically integrated self-help
ThemeRepair after rupture
ApproachGottman
Time5 minutes
1Name what set you off, then tell the older story behind why it is a trigger for you.
GottmanRepair after rupture5 minutesQur'an 49:13

Rewind to an earlier time you felt the same. Sharing that story helps your partner know you.

Where it sits. Gottman method, Manage Conflict; Aftermath of a Fight, Step 3: Triggers

Islamic evidence

We made you into peoples and tribes so that you should recognize one another (Quran 49:13). To be known, even in your wounds, is part of why we were joined.

People, We created you all from a single man and a single woman, and made you into races and tribes so that you should recognize one another. In God’s eyes, the most honoured of you are the ones most mindful of Him: God is all knowing, all aware

Qur'an 49:13

Psychological evidence

A trigger makes little sense until its story is told; sharing the earlier wound behind it turns a baffling overreaction into something a partner can be gentle with.

Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Journal of Marriage and the Family · doi

Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.

Review detail

Why it works. Explaining the history behind a trigger lets your partner understand and handle it with care.

Your relationshipAfter conflictscholar review pendingrel-repair-name-trigger

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