InInshirahislamically integrated self-help
ThemeRepair after rupture
ApproachGottman
Time20 minutes
1Revisit a past fight only once you are both calm, from the balcony, without climbing back into it.
GottmanRepair after rupture20 minutesQur'an 4:128

Processing means talking about the incident, not re-fighting it. Wait until the heat is gone.

Where it sits. Gottman method, Manage Conflict; Aftermath of a Fight or Regrettable Incident (process from the balcony)

Islamic evidence

If a couple fears estrangement, there is no blame in seeking a peaceful settlement, for peace is best (Quran 4:128). Repair sought in calm is the peace named as best.

If a wife fears high-handedness or alienation from her husband, neither of them will be blamed if they come to a peaceful settlement, for peace is best. Although human souls are prone to selfishness, if you do good and are mindful of God, He is well aware of…

Qur'an 4:128

Psychological evidence

Revisiting a fight while still activated just restarts it; waiting for calm and speaking about it from a distance is what allows genuine repair.

Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Journal of Marriage and the Family · doi

Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.

Review detail

Why it works. Discussing a past conflict from a calm distance lets you repair it instead of reigniting it.

Your relationshipAfter conflictscholar review pendingrel-repair-balcony

Feedback

none yet
On: