InInshirahislamically integrated self-help
ThemeStaying regulated in conflict
Time5 minutes
MomentEveryday
1For a compromise, name your one true core need, then be genuinely flexible on everything around it.
GottmanStaying regulated in conflict5 minutesQur'an 4:128

Separate the small inflexible core from the wide flexible area. Guard the core, give on the rest.

Where it sits. Gottman method, Manage Conflict; The Art of Compromise (Core Needs vs Areas of Flexibility)

Islamic evidence

There is no blame if they come to a peaceful settlement, for peace is best (Quran 4:128). A compromise that guards each core need is that peace made real.

If a wife fears high-handedness or alienation from her husband, neither of them will be blamed if they come to a peaceful settlement, for peace is best. Although human souls are prone to selfishness, if you do good and are mindful of God, He is well aware of…

Qur'an 4:128

Psychological evidence

Good compromise starts by each naming the one thing they truly cannot yield, then bending generously on all the rest; guarding everything guarantees deadlock.

Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Journal of Marriage and the Family · doi

Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.

Review detail

Why it works. Distinguishing a narrow core need from a wide area of flexibility is what makes a workable, lasting compromise.

Your relationshipEverydayscholar review pendingrel-compromise-core-vs-flexible

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