Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
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5 practicesTheme · Cool the body first
How long you have
Approach · Core
Anger is the most physical of the feelings. It goes straight into the muscles, so talking yourself out of it while your arms are already ready to move is hard work.
This is why advice that stays in the head tends to slide off anger in particular. Something has to change in the body as well: the breath slowed, the…
Anger has a shape you can learn: jaw tightening, breathing heavier, heat in the face, and often a strange busyness in the hands. Find your own two or three.
The hands are worth watching, because they tend to say something before you do. Fingers curling, a grip tightening on the steering wheel, a mug held…
Anger arrives with a rush of energy that feels strong and clear, and that is a large part of why it keeps coming back. The bill turns up hours later, long after the payment.
Worth saying plainly, because people assume they lose their temper against their own interests. In the moment it works: bigger, faster, less…
Your body will mobilise whether you like it or not. What happens next is trainable, and that part is genuinely yours.
After a lot of talk about how fast the alarm system is, the other half deserves saying plainly. People do learn to sit through a surge without acting…
Anger numbs. If it is doing the work of a painkiller for you, it will be hard to put down while the pain underneath is still untreated.
Ask what tends to be there in the half hour before you flare: a bit of shame, feeling small, an old fear about being left. The anger often arrives to…