Areas › Anger
Anger
Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.
Narrowed down
27 practicesHow long you have
Approach · Body based
When · Under stress
Press ups on clenched fists give the hands something close to striking, while the effort and the counting take the story out of it.
The shape of the movement is part of why it satisfies, and the breathing it forces is what stops it being a rehearsal. Count the reps, keep the…
If one sigh helps, take another. Nothing says you have to wait for the hard part to be over first.
Waiting makes the sigh a report on something already finished. Repeating it while you are still in the middle turns it into an intervention instead.…
For a child who is boiling over: eyes closed, fingers gently over the ears, and a long humming breath out. They can feel the buzzing inside their own head.
Blocking their ears is something an upset child often does already, so you are borrowing a movement their hands know rather than teaching a new one.…
If techniques and explanations are not for you, carry a bottle of water and drink it down whenever you feel yourself going up. That is the whole method.
Some people want something to do, not something to understand, and that is a perfectly reasonable way to be. A bottle in your bag or your van is a…
Squeeze the hand, hold it for a few seconds, then let it go slowly. The letting go is where the calm is, and it works better once you have practised the long version.
Full muscle relaxation, working through the body group by group, takes about twenty minutes and is worth doing a handful of times. Once your body…
Movement can settle you or wind you further up, and the difference is mostly what your mind is doing while you move.
Pacing the kitchen while you build the case against someone keeps the whole system revved. The same twenty minutes spent counting breaths or noticing…
When you are already angry, imagining your way into someone else's head asks the tired part of you to do the heavy lifting. Start with your body instead: look at their face, let your breathing and your shoulders come closer to theirs.
Perspective taking is a fine skill on a calm day. In the middle of a row it tends to slide into arguing with a version of the other person you have…