Areas › Anger

Anger

Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.

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2 practices

The fear underneath anger Trauma informed After a row Clear all

Approach · Trauma informed

Core 10 Trauma informed 2

When · After a row

Any ordinary day 5 After a row 2

If you genuinely cannot remember what you said, that is often true rather than a dodge. Under a big surge of stress the part of the brain that writes the story goes quiet, while the part that records the feeling gets louder.

So you end up with no account of the row and a strong charge attached to the kitchen, the tone of voice, the hour of the night. Arguing over who said…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 28:10

When your reaction is far bigger than the thing that set it off, the honest conclusion is not that you are losing your mind. Something in you learned this response somewhere, quietly, and you were never consulted about it.

The fear of being unstable is what keeps these episodes hidden, and hidden episodes never get worked on. Try saying it plainly to yourself…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 70:19