Areas › Anger

Anger

Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.

Narrowed down

2 practices

Choosing your response Twenty minutes Any ordinary day Clear all

Theme · Choosing your response

What anger actually is 8 The fear underneath anger 5 The moment before you snap 5 When anger turns to harm 4 Righteous anger and perfectionism 4 Growing empathy 3 Practising under provocation 3 Equanimity and perspective 2 Anger, alcohol and the body 2 Choosing your response 2 Making it stick 2 Cool the body first 2 What you are actually defending 1

How long you have · Twenty minutes

A minute 14 Five minutes 23 Twenty minutes 2 Longer 6

Approach

Gottman 1 Core 1

When · Any ordinary day

Any ordinary day 2 Under stress 2

Some triggers make no sense because the memory attached to them is long gone while the alarm is still wired in. A tone of voice, a particular shirt, the smell of dinner burning.

If you find yourself furious out of all proportion, look at the features rather than the story. What did that moment sound like, look like, feel like…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 41:36

Set the terms of a break while nobody is angry: what you will say, how long you will take, where you will go, and that you will not drive. Then it is a shared arrangement rather than something you do to the other person.

Leaving can be used as a weapon. Two days of silence, walking out while someone is crying, driving off into the night: all of that can wear the…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:159