Inshirahone small thing, well groundedRight now

Areas › Anger

Anger

Almost nobody wants to be the person who says the thing they cannot take back. The window between the surge and the words is short and it can be widened. That is most of what this area is about, along with the fear or hurt that anger is usually protecting.

Narrowed down

227 practices
A minute remove filterClear all
Theme
The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 34What anger actually is 26The fear underneath anger 22Equanimity and perspective 17Growing empathy 14Practising under provocation 14Making it stick 14What you are actually defending 6When anger turns to harm 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Anger, alcohol and the body 1
How long you have · A minute
A minute 227Five minutes 322Twenty minutes 59Longer 37
Approach
Core 115Mindfulness 51Body based 40CBT 16Medical and treatment 4Gottman 1
When
Under stress 120Any ordinary day 86After a row 18Coming and going 3

Not every bit of anger is a problem to be solved. Two people squaring up over something that matters, or a mother going hard at whatever threatens her child, is anger doing exactly what it is for.

Having somewhere to put ordinary anger stops you treating all of it as damage. If it fits what happened, says something true, and ends when the…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 3:134

Respect comes from the Latin for looking, with the prefix meaning again. It is literally the second look, the head that turns as somebody important walks past.

Knowing that does something useful. A word that felt close to sacred turns into a plain social behaviour you can examine: who gets looked at twice,…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 31:18

Disrespect is a paper tiger. It comes at you looking like something, and it has never once actually done you any damage.

Worth noticing what your body does anyway. The heart goes, the jaw sets, and you get ready as though something physical were about to happen. The…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 25:63

When your thinking comes back online mid-argument, say so and offer a restart. I could feel myself getting defensive and this is not helping either of us, shall we try that again?

Most people escalate sometimes. The skill worth having is not never starting but knowing how to get out once you have. Naming it yourself gives the…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 12:92

Anger and doubt cannot really occupy the same moment. Anger sharpens everything to a point, and a genuine maybe blunts it.

This is why an honest question does more than an argument. Not a challenge, which hardens things, but a real one: what if I have got part of this…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingMindfulnessQur’an 2:206

Your mind is always slightly behind what is happening. Reality moves and you are the response, which leaves you permanently a step late and permanently not quite sure.

Put that way, uncertainty is not a flaw in your thinking, it is the position you are standing in. You are flying into the next moment without having…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingMindfulnessQur’an 16:23

Not understanding what is happening frightens a person before it angers them. If you flare up when a situation is unclear, you are meeting something very old in yourself rather than a fault you invented.

Watch the order of it next time. First the blank, the not knowing what this means or where it is going, then a tightening in the chest or jaw, then…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingMindfulnessQur’an 17:36