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Your marriage
What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.
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2 practicesStaying regulated in conflict remove filterTwenty minutes remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
Theme · Staying regulated in conflict
How long you have · Twenty minutes
When · Under stress
If you go silent and shut down, do not just stonewall. Say you need a break, and come back when calm.
Silent withdrawal makes it worse. Name that you are overwhelmed, take twenty minutes, then re-engage.
When either of you floods, take a real break of at least twenty minutes before continuing, and agree when to return.
Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Stop, settle, and come back at the time you set.