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Your marriage

What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.

Narrowed down

21 practices

Staying regulated in conflict Under stress Clear all

Theme · Staying regulated in conflict

Staying regulated in conflict 21 Answering bids 9 Affection and touch 6 Knowing your partner 5 Listening and understanding 3 Shared spiritual life 1 Repair after rupture 1

How long you have

A minute 13 Five minutes 6 Twenty minutes 2

Approach

Gottman 12 Emotionally focused 5 Core 4

When · Under stress

After a row 31 Under stress 21 Any ordinary day 12 Coming and going 1

When either of you floods, take a real break of at least twenty minutes before continuing, and agree when to return.

Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Stop, settle, and come back at the time you set.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 2:45