If it is heavier than that

If you are having thoughts of ending your life, or a settled conviction that you are damned and that the matter is already decided, please treat that as urgent today rather than as part of this pattern. Tell a doctor, an emergency service, or somebody who is in the room with you.

That combination, high distress with a belief that it is already settled against you, is one that presents in exactly this pattern. It is also the one part of it that is a genuine emergency.

The belief that it is already decided is the illness talking with your voice. It is not a ruling you have received.