What this actually feels like

You still pray. You get through it. Nothing arrives.

The Qur'an sounds like words on a page. The du'a you used to say with something behind it now comes out flat. You are not doubting anything and you are not angry at anyone. There is simply nothing in the room.

Most people carry this quietly for months before they say it out loud, because saying it feels like an admission. It is not an admission. It has a name, and the name is old.