If one thing stays with you

Let it be this.

Grief is not a staircase and there is no step you were supposed to have reached. The crossing back and forth is what grieving is made of, and the wave that arrives eight months later is a crossing and not a collapse.

Patience is not dry eyes. The person who taught us patience wept at his own son's death and called it mercy, and said that the eyes weep and the heart grieves and we say nothing except what pleases our Lord.

And you do not have to let go of them. Dua for them, charity in their name, and saying their name out loud are not symptoms. They are the connection continuing, in the way the religion already gave you.