The patterns, by name

Naming a thing is not the same as diagnosing anybody. These are descriptions. See which ones you recognise and ignore the rest.

Contempt. Not anger, which passes. A steady low opinion of you that comes out in a tone, a look, a joke made in front of other people.

Control. Decisions that are yours being made elsewhere, or made impossible. Your work, your marriage, your money, your children, how you practise.

Conditional love. Warmth that arrives when you comply and is withdrawn when you do not, so reliably that you have learned the exchange rate without ever being told it.

Triangulation. Things about you said to your siblings rather than to you, so that you are always answering something you were never told directly.

Financial leverage. Help given in a way that keeps a debt open.

Public humiliation. Said in company, where you cannot answer without proving their point about you.

And one that does not fit the list. A parent who was harmful to you as a child and is still harmful now. That is not a memory. That is a current situation with a long history attached.