Four. The engine that runs on all of it

Put the four together and you have the machine.

The obligation is genuine. The community reinforces it. Your siblings have their own reasons. Your parent has a history that makes them hard to blame cleanly. And every one of those is true.

Guilt runs on truth. That is why it is so hard to argue with, and it is why arguing with it does not work. You cannot reason your way out of a feeling that is being fed by things that are actually the case.

What you can do is stop treating the guilt as an instruction. It is a feeling, and it will turn up whether you are wrong or not, which means it is not evidence about whether you are wrong.