The pulling back does not feel like pulling back

From the inside it feels like self protection, and often like good manners. You keep your answers short so you do not take up space. You leave early because they probably want to get on. You do not message first, because if they wanted to hear from you they would have said something.

From the outside it reads as someone who is not that interested. So people give a little less back. Not out of unkindness. They are reading you the way you are reading them.

Then the evening confirms what you already suspected, and the safest conclusion is to do a bit less next time. That is how a loop keeps turning without a villain in it anywhere.