If one thing stays with you

Let it be the valve.

The argument you keep having probably has no solution, and it was never supposed to have one. What decides how the next thirty years go is not whether you can settle it. It is whether either of you can still interrupt it, early, with something small and slightly stupid, and whether the other one can let it work.

Contempt is the one to watch and the one to give up first. And most of a marriage is not in the arguments at all. It is in whether you look up.