If one thing stays with you

Let it be this.

Shouting works in the next two seconds, and that is exactly why it keeps happening and why it costs across years. The lever is not more self control at the moment of the shout. It is attention, spent earlier, on the thing you want, which is dull and which is what the evidence actually supports.

And the standard in the tradition is not a parent who never gets it wrong. It is mercy as a method. Ten years of service, and never once why did you do that.