The hour afterStep 1 of 8

Before you read on

If you are reading this an hour after it happened, you are the person it was written for and you are not in the wrong place. There is nothing to count here and no streak to lose. Two things go outside a course, and quickly. If you are having thoughts that the world would be better without you, or that you are beyond forgiving, tell somebody today, because shame and secrecy together are what make that dangerous. And if any of this has involved a child, there is specialist help, it exists to be used, and there will not be one word of shaming from us. Lesson six has the routes for both.

Lesson 2 of 6

Two words that people use as if they were one word

In ordinary speech guilt and shame mean roughly the same thing, which is feeling bad about something. In the research they are two different states and they were separated a long time ago, because they behave differently.

Guilt is about the act. I did a bad thing. It has an object outside you, which means there is somewhere for it to go. Apologise, repair, return, put it right.

Shame is about the self. I am a bad thing. There is no object outside you, so there is nowhere for it to go, and the only thing available is to get away from it.