One. The relief of telling somebody

This one is going to sound like the opposite of what you have been told, so read the whole thing before deciding.

Shame is unbearable in private, and there is a reliable way to make it stop for about an hour, which is to tell somebody. A friend, a spouse, an imam, a group chat, a forum full of strangers. The relief is real. It is also short.

What happens next is the problem. The relief fades, the shame rebuilds, and the telling has to happen again, usually to somebody closer, usually in more detail. People have taken marriages apart doing this, and each individual disclosure felt at the time like honesty.

When telling has started to work like escape rather than like honesty, it has joined the loop.