Self blame is not a personality trait, it is a product

He is under pressure. I know how to handle him and I got it wrong. This is what patience means. Other people have it far worse.

Those sentences did not come from you. They were built, over years, out of thousands of small corrections, and they do a specific job. A person who blames herself does not tell anyone, and a person who does not tell anyone stays inside the loop.

Notice that the sentences all have the same structure. Each one moves the cause from him to you or to circumstances. That is the tell.