1Tell yourself the true thing: this feeling is real, and it is temporary. No state lasts. Ride it out.
You do not have to fix it right now. You only have to outlast it. Feelings crest and fall like weather.
Where it sits. DBT, Distress Tolerance skills
Islamic evidence
Your Lord is sure to give you so much that you will be well satisfied (Quran 93:5). What weighs now is not the end of the story He is writing.
“your Lord is sure to give you so much that you will be well satisfied”
Qur'an 93:5
Psychological evidence
Naming a hard feeling as intense but passing helps you sit with it rather than doing something rash to make it stop; the wave falls on its own if you let it.
Bowen, S.; Marlatt, A. (2009). Psychology of Addictive Behaviors · doi
Watching an urge rise and fall without acting on it (urge surfing) reduced smoking, showing urges pass on their own if not fed.
Review detail
Why it works. Reminding yourself a feeling is temporary helps you tolerate it without acting to escape it.
Feedback
none yet2Stop fighting what already is. Accepting a hard reality, without approving of it, ends the extra layer of pain.
Saying it is so is not the same as saying it is fine. Dropping the war with what already happened frees you to respond.
Where it sits. DBT, Distress Tolerance skills
Islamic evidence
Misfortunes can only happen with God's permission, and He will guide the heart of anyone who believes in Him (Quran 64:11). Accepting the decree is where the heart is guided to rest.
“Misfortunes can only happen with God’s permission––He will guide the heart of anyone who believes in Him: God knows all things––”
Qur'an 64:11
Psychological evidence
Much of our pain is the second arrow, the struggle against a reality that already is; accepting the fact, without having to like it, ends that added suffering and frees you to act.
Linehan, M. M., Armstrong, H. E., Suarez, A., Allmon, D. and Heard, H. L. (1991). Archives of General Psychiatry · doi
Structured skills training in emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness reduces crisis behaviour and improves functioning.
Review detail
Why it works. Accepting reality as it is, rather than railing against it, removes the added suffering of resistance.
Feedback
none yet3Soothe yourself through the senses: a warm drink, a soft cloth, a good scent, a slow walk. Be kind to the body.
When you cannot fix the feeling, comfort the one who is feeling it. Small kindnesses to the body settle the mind.
Where it sits. DBT, Distress Tolerance skills
Islamic evidence
Did He not find you an orphan and shelter you? (Quran 93:6). He sheltered you; sheltering yourself gently is an echo of His care.
“Did He not find you an orphan and shelter you”
Qur'an 93:6
Psychological evidence
Comforting yourself through the senses, warmth, softness, a pleasant scent, calms the body and eases distress; treating yourself kindly in the moment is itself a skill.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self and Identity · doi
Treating oneself with kindness rather than harsh judgement supports emotional resilience and wellbeing.
Review detail
Why it works. Gentle sensory self-soothing calms the nervous system and makes a hard feeling more bearable.