Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Getting assessed and diagnosed
Try not to ask why. If the person knew why, they would probably have sorted it out already, and the question tends to land like an accusation.
Ask what happened just before instead. What was going on, what they felt, what came after, what sort of day it had been. Those answers can be worked with, while an answer to why is usually invented on the spot to fill an uncomfortable silence. It is a small change of wording that alters the temperature of the whole conversation.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you (Quran 3:159). Gentleness is named there as the thing that kept people in the room, which is a practical observation as much as a moral one.
فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةࣲ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِي ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them- had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you- so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him
Qur’an 3:159read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A systematic review of young people's accounts of help-seeking found stigma and embarrassment among the main barriers, with encouragement from another person and a previous good experience making them more likely to go. How a conversation feels is part of whether there is ever another one. The review reports what young people say stops them rather than testing particular interviewing styles.
Gulliver A, Griffiths KM, Christensen H. (2010). Perceived barriers and facilitators to mental health help-seeking in young people: a systematic review.. BMC psychiatry doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Why asks for a justification, and what happened asks for a description, which is the part you can actually use.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
The age by which symptoms have to have shown up is a number people agreed on, not a line in nature. It moved from seven to twelve when the manual was revised.
While you are taking the family history, ask about seizure disorders and psychosis too, not only about attention. A family carrying other neurological or psychiatric conditions is worth knowing about whatever you end up concluding.
Assessing a child's thinking used to mean a referral, a waiting list and a report some months later. Brief cognitive tools an ordinary clinician can run have changed that, and the gap between noticing something and having a plan can now be a session rather than a season.