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When you are torn about something, get both sides out of your head and onto paper. Two columns, everything you can think of, no tidying as you go.
Holding both cases in mind at once is what wears you out, and it is why the same argument keeps starting from the beginning every evening. Once it is written you can look at it instead of carrying it, and then ask the more useful question: how does this sit next to the other things I care about at the moment. Some options quietly lose once they have to share a page with the rest of your life.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Lord, increase me in knowledge (Quran 20:114). The prayer is made in the middle of things, which is where most of us have to weigh anything up.
فَتَعَٰلَى ٱللَّهُ ٱلۡمَلِكُ ٱلۡحَقُّۗ وَلَا تَعۡجَلۡ بِٱلۡقُرۡءَانِ مِن قَبۡلِ أَن يُقۡضَىٰٓ إِلَيۡكَ وَحۡيُهُۥۖ وَقُل رَّبِّ زِدۡنِي عِلۡمࣰ ا
exalted be God, the one who is truly in control. [Prophet], do not rush to recite before the revelation is fully complete but say, ‘Lord, increase me in knowledge!’
Qur’an 20:114read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A Cochrane review describes motivational interviewing as a directive but person-centred style built specifically around helping someone resolve their own mixed feelings rather than being talked round. That supports working with both sides rather than pushing for one. It reviews counselling for smoking, so the setting is a long way from your kitchen table.
Lai DT, Cahill K, Qin Y, Tang JL. (2010). Motivational interviewing for smoking cessation.. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Written down, the two sides stop competing for the same small space in your head.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Do not wait to feel ready. Say Musa's prayer, ease my task, and take one step; the wish to go on comes after.
The real prize for starting early is that you are allowed to stop. At the last minute you have to keep going until it is finished, however late that turns out to be.
Before deciding you are avoiding something, check that you actually know what it wants. How long, in what form, by when, and what counts as finished.