Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Treatment and medication
Medication does not make somebody care more. It narrows the distance between meaning to do the thing and doing it, and that distance is exactly what the other person has been feeling as being let down.
It helps a couple enormously to have the right name for what has been happening. The intention was real every single time. What went missing was the part that turns an intention into an action while the moment is still open. Putting it that way takes the argument off character, where neither of you can win it, and puts it onto something that can actually be treated.
This explains how treatments work. Never start, stop or change a medication because of something you read here.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The blind, the lame, and the sick will not be blamed (Quran 48:17). Blame is lifted where there is real impairment, which is a kinder place for a couple to start from.
لَّيۡسَ عَلَى ٱلۡأَعۡمَىٰ حَرَجࣱ وَلَا عَلَى ٱلۡأَعۡرَجِ حَرَجࣱ وَلَا عَلَى ٱلۡمَرِيضِ حَرَجࣱۗ وَمَن يُطِعِ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ يُدۡخِلۡهُ جَنَّٰتࣲ تَجۡرِي مِن تَحۡتِهَا ٱلۡأَنۡهَٰرُۖ وَمَن يَتَوَلَّ يُعَذِّبۡهُ عَذَابًا أَلِيمࣰ ا
the blind, the lame, and the sick will not be blamed.’ God will admit anyone who obeys Him and His Messenger to Gardens graced with flowing streams; He will painfully punish anyone who turns away
Qur’an 48:17read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A randomised, double blind, placebo controlled trial in 445 young adults aged 18 to 30 looked at atomoxetine on functional outcomes as well as on symptom counts. Functioning is the relevant question here, because a partner notices the follow through and never sees the score. It is one medicine in one age band, so it supports the general point that treatment can move functioning without promising what it will do in your house.
Durell TM, Adler LA, Williams DW, Deldar A, McGough JJ, Glaser PE, Rubin RL, Pigott TA, Sarkis EH, Fox BK. (2013). Atomoxetine treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in young adults with assessment of functional outcomes: a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled clinical trial.. Journal of clinical psychopharmacology doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Naming the real problem lets two people work on it instead of on each other.
When not to
Explaining the gap is not the same as removing responsibility for it, and this goes better when both people can still ask for repair.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
If a treatment comes with a contract, take it to a solicitor before signing. Not because you cannot read it, but because that puts a few days between the pitch and your signature.
Long acting does not automatically suit everybody. Some people genuinely do better on shorter doses, and it is worth saying so rather than assuming the newer option must be right.
People who use several kinds of help tend to report more benefit than people relying on one. Medication, therapy, coaching, reading, sleep and movement all seem to add something rather than compete.