Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
If you have been told that anger passes quickly, that is only half true. Roughly half of episodes do settle inside the hour, which also means the other half are still going.
It helps to know which kind you are having. Anger that fades on its own within the hour is mostly your body coming back down. Anger that is still burning at hour two is usually being kept alight by going back over what happened, and that needs a different sort of help than waiting it out.
Qur’an and Sunnah
When Moses' anger abated, he picked up the Tablets (Quran 7:154). Even the anger that shook a prophet had a downslope, and the work was still there waiting on the other side of it.
وَلَمَّا سَكَتَ عَن مُّوسَى ٱلۡغَضَبُ أَخَذَ ٱلۡأَلۡوَاحَۖ وَفِي نُسۡخَتِهَا هُدࣰ ى وَرَحۡمَةࣱ لِّلَّذِينَ هُمۡ لِرَبِّهِمۡ يَرۡهَبُونَ
When Moses’ anger abated, he picked up the Tablets, on which were inscribed guidance and mercy for those who stood in awe of their Lord
Qur’an 7:154read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
In three small experimental studies, people who dwelt on a past provocation felt as though it had happened more recently than it actually had, which is part of why a grudge stays fresh. A separate laboratory study of 69 couples found aggression was highest when dwelling was high, reframing was rare and alcohol was involved. Both are small and run in controlled settings, so read them as a direction rather than a measure of your own hour.
Siedlecka E, Capper MM, Denson TF. (2015). Negative emotional events that people ruminate about feel closer in time.. PloS one doi
Watkins LE, DiLillo D, Maldonado RC. (2015). The interactive effects of emotion regulation and alcohol intoxication on lab-based intimate partner aggression.. Psychology of addictive behaviors : journal of the Society of Psychologists in Addictive Behaviors doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Short anger fades by itself, but long anger is being fed by the retelling, so the retelling is the thing to change.
When not to
If the anger regularly outlasts a whole day, or if drinking is usually part of it, that is worth taking to someone rather than managing on your own.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
When somebody says they were not scared, they just do not like being disrespected, take the dislike seriously. We dislike what threatens us, and that is why we avoid it.
What overpowered Darwin at that glass was not the snake. It was his picture of what the snake was about to do, and that is usually what overpowers you too.
Some reactions are pure reflex, some are feelings, and some are really stories about yourself. What helps differs for each, so it is worth knowing which you are dealing with.