Areas › Anger › What anger actually is
Anger that is still with you the next morning has changed shape. It is less an event by then and more a mood you are living inside.
Around a third of angry episodes run past a day, and once that becomes the usual pattern the anger stops needing much of a trigger. Small things start arriving as further proof. If you notice you are waking up already braced, the thing to work on is the general state rather than the last argument.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The believers pray that God will leave no malice in our hearts towards those who believe (Quran 59:10). The concern there is not the flare but the residue, which is what anger past a day starts to lay down.
وَٱلَّذِينَ جَآءُو مِنۢ بَعۡدِهِمۡ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا ٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَلِإِخۡوَٰنِنَا ٱلَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِٱلۡإِيمَٰنِ وَلَا تَجۡعَلۡ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلࣰّ ا لِّلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ رَبَّنَآ إِنَّكَ رَءُوفࣱ رَّحِيمٌ
Those who came after them say, ‘Lord, forgive us our sins and the sins of our brothers who believed before us, and leave no malice in our hearts towards those who believe. Lord, You are truly compassionate and merciful.’
Qur’an 59:10read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A meta-analysis pooling 241 effect sizes found that habitually dwelling on things, avoiding them or holding feelings in were more strongly tied to anxiety, depression and other problems than rethinking and acceptance were tied to protection. In a study following adolescents over time, difficulty handling emotion predicted later symptoms and symptoms predicted later difficulty, so it runs in both directions. Neither shows that a long episode creates a lasting trait, only that the two travel together.
Aldao A, Nolen-Hoeksema S, Schweizer S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review.. Clinical psychology review doi
McLaughlin KA, Hatzenbuehler ML, Mennin DS, Nolen-Hoeksema S. (2011). Emotion dysregulation and adolescent psychopathology: a prospective study.. Behaviour research and therapy doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Anger kept going for days leaves you primed, so the next thing that happens has less work to do to set you off.
When not to
Anger that has been constant for weeks, particularly with poor sleep or low mood underneath it, is worth a conversation with a professional.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Muttering under your breath is not nothing. It is the quiet end of the same behaviour as raising your voice, a small warning shot that costs you almost nothing to fire.
Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.
Some anger fires when your image takes a knock: your child playing up in a shop, your name left off something, a correction in front of other people. What got punctured was the picture of yourself.