Areas › Anger › Practising under provocation
Whatever line you plan to use on yourself in a hard moment, say it in your own words rather than tidy ones. Polished phrasing tends to evaporate exactly when you need it.
If your inner voice is blunt, let the line be blunt. A therapist working this way will sometimes ask for the crude version of a coping phrase instead of the polite paraphrase, because that is the register the mind speaks in when it is hot. Saying it out loud can be a small exposure of its own, which is no bad thing.
Qur’an and Sunnah
If a prompting from Satan should stir you, seek refuge with God (Quran 41:36). The instruction is short enough to be reachable in the second you need it.
وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ نَزۡغࣱ فَٱسۡتَعِذۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلۡعَلِيمُ
If a prompting from Satan should stir you, seek refuge with God: He is the All Hearing and the All Knowing
Qur’an 41:36read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
When planning formats were compared, plans that tied one specific situation to one specific response did better than broad intentions to do better. The precision was part of what made the difference. That study was about everyday eating rather than anger, so applying it to your own wording is a reasonable extension rather than a tested one.
Chapman J, Armitage CJ, Norman P. (2009). Comparing implementation intention interventions in relation to young adults' intake of fruit and vegetables.. Psychology & health doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
You can only reach for a phrase that already sounds like you.
When not to
Crude wording suits some people and shames others, so if it would not sit right with you or the person you are working with, plain is perfectly good.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Going silent and hard is not a neutral act. A fixed stare and a set brow land on the other person's body as threat, even though you have not said a word.
Here is a small one to practise on. Take the time you need to park properly, even with somebody waiting, instead of driving on to find an easier spot.
Before you practise something exposing with someone, say out loud what is not at risk. I will not think less of you, and nothing between us changes here.