Areas › Anger › Cool the body first
Better to hum like a bee than to sting like one. Silly, and that is why it will still be there when you need it.
Techniques you can only recall when calm are not much use, since the moment they are needed is the moment your thinking goes. A short phrase that makes you smile survives that, and it carries the whole instruction with it. Say it to yourself as you feel things rising, and let the hum follow the phrase.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Keep up the prayer so that you remember Me (Quran 20:14). A short instruction that carries a much bigger thing inside it is a familiar shape, and a phrase you can hold under pressure works the same way.
إِنَّنِيٓ أَنَا ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَٰهَ إِلَّآ أَنَا۠ فَٱعۡبُدۡنِي وَأَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ لِذِكۡرِيٓ
I am God; there is no god but Me. So worship Me and keep up the prayer so that you remember Me
Qur’an 20:14read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
There is no research on catchphrases as regulation tools, so this rests on plausibility. In the wider field, a meta-analysis of meditation found small to medium improvements in emotional and relational outcomes in non clinical adults, while noting that three quarters of the studies identified had to be excluded for methodological weakness. That is the honest backdrop: helpful practices with patchy evidence, and a mnemonic that simply helps you get to them.
Sedlmeier P, Eberth J, Schwarz M, Zimmermann D, Haarig F, Jaeger S, Kunze S. (2012). The psychological effects of meditation: a meta-analysis.. Psychological bulletin doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
A phrase that sticks is one you can still reach when the rest of your thinking has gone.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
The alarm system in you responds to what your body does more readily than to what you tell it. Sit down, unclench, breathe out slowly, and only then try to reason with yourself.
Squeeze the hand, hold it for a few seconds, then let it go slowly. The letting go is where the calm is, and it works better once you have practised the long version.
In a hostile exchange, try a slow hmm instead of a reply. It sounds like someone thinking, and it puts a long out breath in the way of whatever you were about to say.