Areas › Anger › Making it stick
When you offer a practice to someone, use their words for it rather than yours. Keep the fuller version ready for the day they ask where it comes from.
A plain, unmystical version suits most people and costs them nothing to accept. Anyone who gets curious can have all of it, and they will take more from it because they asked. Picking one house style for everybody mainly means losing whoever that style does not fit.
Qur’an and Sunnah
We have assigned a law and a path to each of you (Quran 5:48). Difference in how people come at something is treated as expected rather than as an obstacle.
وَأَنزَلۡنَآ إِلَيۡكَ ٱلۡكِتَٰبَ بِٱلۡحَقِّ مُصَدِّقࣰ ا لِّمَا بَيۡنَ يَدَيۡهِ مِنَ ٱلۡكِتَٰبِ وَمُهَيۡمِنًا عَلَيۡهِۖ فَٱحۡكُم بَيۡنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُۖ وَلَا تَتَّبِعۡ أَهۡوَآءَهُمۡ عَمَّا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلۡحَقِّۚ لِكُلࣲّ جَعَلۡنَا مِنكُمۡ شِرۡعَةࣰ وَمِنۡهَاجࣰ اۚ وَلَوۡ شَآءَ ٱللَّهُ لَجَعَلَكُمۡ أُمَّةࣰ وَٰحِدَةࣰ وَلَٰكِن لِّيَبۡلُوَكُمۡ فِي مَآ ءَاتَىٰكُمۡۖ فَٱسۡتَبِقُواْ ٱلۡخَيۡرَٰتِۚ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ جَمِيعࣰ ا فَيُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ فِيهِ تَخۡتَلِفُونَ
We sent to you [Muhammad] the Scripture with the truth, confirming the Scriptures that came before it, and with final authority over them: so judge between them according to what God has sent down. Do not follow their whims, which deviate from the truth that has come to you. We have assigned a law and a path to each of you. If God had so willed, He would have made you one community, but He wanted to test you through that which He has given you, so race to do good: you will all return to God and He will make clear to you the matters you differed about
Qur’an 5:48read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Presentation is worth not overrating, though. A meta-analysis found that dropout from virtual reality exposure therapy was much the same as from ordinary exposure in real situations, so a more appealing format did not by itself keep people in treatment. That was about delivery technology in anxiety treatment rather than about choice of words. Match the language because it removes a reason to refuse, not because it solves people stopping.
Benbow AA, Anderson PL. (2019). A meta-analytic examination of attrition in virtual reality exposure therapy for anxiety disorders.. Journal of anxiety disorders doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
People take up what sounds like it was meant for them and quietly refuse what does not.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Skills bring the flare ups down in number and in heat. What they leave standing is the layer underneath: what you believe you are owed, and how you think people ought to behave.
A new practice needs somewhere to live. Hook it to something you already do a few times a day, like sitting down to eat.
You do not have to believe the calmer sentence yet. Say it anyway, on purpose, often, and belief tends to arrive behind the repetition rather than in front of it.