Areas › Anger › Equanimity and perspective
Those same four dots could have been joined into a cross. You never saw the cross, because the square had already settled.
The second step matters more than the first. Not only did you build the picture, you built one of several that fitted the same dots. So when a tone of voice lands as contempt, ask what else those exact facts would fit: tiredness, worry, a bad morning that has nothing to do with you.
Qur’an and Sunnah
There truly are signs in the creation of the heavens and earth, and in the alternation of night and day, for those with understanding (Quran 3:190). Looking again at what you have already looked at is treated as the mark of understanding.
إِنَّ فِي خَلۡقِ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَٱخۡتِلَٰفِ ٱلَّيۡلِ وَٱلنَّهَارِ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّأُوْلِي ٱلۡأَلۡبَٰبِ
There truly are signs in the creation of the heavens and earth, and in the alternation of night and day, for those with understanding
Qur’an 3:190read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
A randomised trial in adults with maladaptive anger tested cognitive reappraisal, the trained habit of generating another reading of a situation, on its own, alongside mindful emotion awareness on its own and the two combined, all delivered briefly over the internet. Producing an alternative interpretation is treated there as a skill to be practised rather than an insight to be had. The programme was brief, which limits the scale of the evidence.
Bjureberg J, Ojala O, Berg A, Edvardsson E, Kolbeinsson Ö, Molander O, Morin E, Nordgren L, Palme K, Särnholm J, Wedin L, Rück C, Gross JJ, Hesser H. (2023). Targeting maladaptive anger with brief therapist-supported internet-delivered emotion regulation treatments: A randomized controlled trial.. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Once a second reading has been seen to fit the same facts, the first one stops feeling like the only truth.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
A raised voice at home gets heard as disrespect long before anyone checks. Sometimes the person simply cannot hear how loud they are over their headphones.
The hand you put up to fend someone off is already halfway to a fist. There is no clean place to stop once the movement is underway, which is why the early moment is the one worth having.
Put four dots on a page, one at a time, and by the fourth you will see a square. Now try to point at the square. Your mind supplied it in under a second and never asked you first.