Areas › Low mood and hard feelings › Question the thought
Notice when you have jumped to the worst story, and hold it as a guess, not a fact.
They meant to hurt me, this always happens. Label these as theories, then look for evidence.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Avoid much suspicion, for some suspicion is sin (Qur'an 49:12). The worst assumption is often the most painful and the least true.
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱجۡتَنِبُواْ كَثِيرࣰ ا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعۡضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثۡمࣱۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُواْ وَلَا يَغۡتَب بَّعۡضُكُم بَعۡضًاۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمۡ أَن يَأۡكُلَ لَحۡمَ أَخِيهِ مَيۡتࣰ ا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوهُۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابࣱ رَّحِيمࣱ
Believers, avoid making too many assumptions- some assumptions are sinful- and do not spy on one another or speak ill of people behind their backs: would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? No, you would hate it. So be mindful of God: God is ever relenting, most merciful
Qur’an 49:12read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Much suffering comes from the harshest interpretation, not the event itself. Holding the dark story as one theory among others loosens its grip.
Gross, J. J.; John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Cognitive reappraisal, reframing a situation, is linked to better mood, relationships and wellbeing than bottling feelings up.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Catching a catastrophic reading and testing it against the facts lowers distress.
Where this sits: Emotion regulation, cognitive reappraisal (CBT).
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
When a thought lands hard, ask whether you know it for certain, and what you would actually put forward if you had to make the case. Then go looking for the bits that point the other way.
Name one hard thing today and ask what it might be growing in you: patience, humility, nearness to God.
A belief about yourself comes with a feeling somewhere in the body, an emotion, and a set of things you then do or avoid. Argue only with the words and the rest of it carries on exactly as before.