Areas › Your marriage › Affection and touch
Make one greeting or parting linger a few seconds longer than usual today.
A held hug at the door, a real kiss, not the quick automatic one. Let it last.
Qur’an and Sunnah
God placed affection and mercy between spouses (Qur'an 30:21). A greeting that lingers is that affection made physical for a moment.
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
The quick automatic goodbye asks nothing and gives little. A greeting that lingers a few seconds says, before anything else, you matter to me.
John Mordechai Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work
Lay presentation of the Gottman Method: Love Maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, accepting influence, solvable vs perpetual problems, shared meaning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Small moments of affection at thresholds anchor a couple's daily connection.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward; affection and touch.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.