Areas › Your marriage › Rituals of connection
Before you leave today, find your spouse and say goodbye properly, face to face.
Not a shout from the door. A real parting, a word about when you will be back.
Qur’an and Sunnah
It is He who made the night and day to follow each other, for whoever wishes to remember (Qur'an 25:62). Mark the day's partings and returns; they are its rhythm.
وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِي جَعَلَ ٱلَّيۡلَ وَٱلنَّهَارَ خِلۡفَةࣰ لِّمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يَذَّكَّرَ أَوۡ أَرَادَ شُكُورࣰ ا
it is He who made the night and day follow each other- so anyone who wishes may be mindful or show gratitude
Qur’an 25:62read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
The first and last thirty seconds of being apart set the tone. A real goodbye tells them the leaving is not a leaving of them.
John Mordechai Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work
Lay presentation of the Gottman Method: Love Maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, accepting influence, solvable vs perpetual problems, shared meaning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Marking departures with attention turns a transition into a moment of connection.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward; Rituals of Connection.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.