Areas › Your body › Grounding and settling
Tap the fleshy side of one hand with the other and say it plainly: even though I am feeling all this in my body right now, I can accept that this is how I am.
You can strip away everything else and this part still stands up. Naming the state and accepting it in the same sentence blocks the second wave, the part where you are ashamed of being in a state at all, which is usually what turns a bad ten minutes into a bad day. Say it a few times. It will feel silly. Say it anyway.
Qur’an and Sunnah
when their very souls closed in around them (Quran 9:118). The verse describes exactly that shut in feeling, and what follows it there is God turning to them in mercy.
وَعَلَى ٱلثَّلَٰثَةِ ٱلَّذِينَ خُلِّفُواْ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا ضَاقَتۡ عَلَيۡهِمُ ٱلۡأَرۡضُ بِمَا رَحُبَتۡ وَضَاقَتۡ عَلَيۡهِمۡ أَنفُسُهُمۡ وَظَنُّوٓاْ أَن لَّا مَلۡجَأَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَّآ إِلَيۡهِ ثُمَّ تَابَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ لِيَتُوبُوٓاْۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلتَّوَّابُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ
And to the three men who stayed behind: when the earth, for all its spaciousness, closed in around them, when their very souls closed in around them, when they realized that the only refuge from God was with Him, He turned to them in mercy in order for them to return [to Him]. God is the Ever Relenting, the Most Merciful
Qur’an 9:118read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Across 21 randomised trials, compassion-based interventions produced moderate improvements in compassion, self-compassion and wellbeing, and small reductions in depression and anxiety. That supports the self-accepting half of this line fairly directly. Those trials tested structured programmes rather than a single spoken sentence, so the size of what one line does is unknown.
Kirby JN, Tellegen CL, Steindl SR. (2017). A Meta-Analysis of Compassion-Based Interventions: Current State of Knowledge and Future Directions.. Behavior therapy doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Admitting how you are while refusing to be ashamed of it stops the distress from feeding itself.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
When you have collapsed rather than escalated, more calming will only take you further down. What helps is gentle rousing: rhythm, weight, sound, movement.
Sound that repeats slowly, waves, rain, steady recitation, brings you down. Fast, loud, unpredictable music, or whistling, brings you up.
Offer any movement in three sizes: small, medium and full. Let people take the one that fits today, and let them change their mind halfway through.