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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Anger remove filterTwenty minutes remove filterBoth of us together remove filterClear all
Area · Anger
Focus, starting, and ADHD 50Anger 7Worry and anxiety 7Low mood and hard feelings 6Your body 6
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 11Five minutes 21Twenty minutes 7Longer 7
Who it is written for
A practitioner 6Me 4Someone I care about 3My husband or wife 3
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 6Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone · Both of us together
On my own 45Involves someone else 7Both of us together 7
Theme
When anger turns to harm 2The fear underneath anger 1Choosing your response 1Making it stick 1The moment before you snap 1What anger actually is 1
Approach
Core 6Gottman 1
When
Any ordinary day 6After a row 1

When someone introduces themselves as an abuser, take the word seriously without treating it as the finding. A label names a category of offence, not what is actually going on in them.

Some people arrive with the language of a programme or a court already fitted to them, and it closes down the question of what drives the behaviour…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 3:135

Ask whether the anger is really about this person at all, or whether it is contempt for a whole category of people that happens to have someone standing nearby.

It sounds different once you listen for it. The complaints come out in the plural, about how women are or what wives do, and the particular person in…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 16:90

Ask what has been done to this person, not only what they have done. Old harm decides which ordinary things now register as a threat.

Reactions that look wildly out of proportion usually are not, once you know what the moment resembled. A hand raised near a face, a certain tone,…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 33:58

Set the terms of a break while nobody is angry: what you will say, how long you will take, where you will go, and that you will not drive. Then it is a shared arrangement rather than something you do to the other person.

Leaving can be used as a weapon. Two days of silence, walking out while someone is crying, driving off into the night: all of that can wear the…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:159

When something is genuinely alive for the person in front of you, work with that. Whatever you had planned to cover keeps until a quieter week.

Teaching over the top of live feeling does not land, and it tells the other person that your agenda outranks their week. When there is heat, follow…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickCoreQur’an 18:23

In a bad moment your attention, your seeing and your remembering all narrow onto the threat. So your memory of the row is a partial recording, and so is theirs.

Worth holding on to before you go back over who said what. Neither of you is necessarily lying when the two accounts differ. Starting with here is…

Twenty minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 7:154

Your family had its own rules about anger, quite apart from anything cultural. Those are the ones that shaped you, and they can be renegotiated.

Name two of them plainly. Nobody leaves the table. Whoever shouts loudest wins. We do not mention it the next day. Then ask which you still want.…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263

There is more about anger than the practices: the anger area has the themes and the courses too.