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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

2 practices
What you are actually defending remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterCore remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 1
Who it is written for
My husband or wife 2Someone I care about 2Me 2
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 12Involves someone else 2Both of us together 1
Theme · What you are actually defending
What anger actually is 13Screens and attention 12Reading, numbers and learning differences 6Affection and touch 4Knowing your partner 4The moment before you snap 4Choosing your response 3Getting assessed and diagnosed 3Treatment and medication 3Rituals of connection 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3What you are actually defending 2Shared spiritual life 2Equanimity and perspective 2Answering bids 2The fear underneath anger 2Gratitude 1Making it stick 1Repair after rupture 1
When
Under stress 1After a row 1

When your thinking comes back online mid-argument, say so and offer a restart. I could feel myself getting defensive and this is not helping either of us, shall we try that again?

Most people escalate sometimes. The skill worth having is not never starting but knowing how to get out once you have. Naming it yourself gives the…

A minuteWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 12:92

Say what you would prefer and what you will do, not what they have to feel. I do not like being spoken to this way, and if it carries on I am going to step out of the conversation.

The difference is small and it changes everything. A demand needs their cooperation to succeed, so it can be refused, and being refused is where the…

Five minutesWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 42:41

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.