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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

2 practices
Shame remove filterMy husband or wife remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
Me 2My husband or wife 2A practitioner 2
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 1Struggling right now 1
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
Both of us together 2Involves someone else 2On my own 1
Theme · Shame
Staying regulated in conflict 24Knowing your partner 15Affection and touch 13Listening and understanding 12Rebuilding trust 12Answering bids 11Rituals of connection 11Repair after rupture 11Shared spiritual life 10Emotions as signals 7Remembering to do it 4What anger actually is 4Your nervous system 3Your sense of time 2Bringing the future closer 2Equanimity and perspective 2Fondness and admiration 2Gratitude 2Shame 2The moment before you snap 2What you are actually defending 2Treatment and medication 1Practising under provocation 1When you go numb 1Feelings and focus 1Growing empathy 1Systems for daily life 1Choosing your response 1
When
Any ordinary day 1After a row 1

You did not choose which things hurt you. Where you are tender was set long before you had any say in it, and the only live question is what you do with it now.

This is worth saying out loud between two people, because each usually thinks their own soft spot is embarrassing and the other's is obvious. Try…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:54

There is a real difference between not caring and not knowing how. A lot of what gets called failing at a relationship is simply a skill nobody ever taught you.

If you go blank when your partner cries, or answer hurt with logic, ask who ever showed you anything better. Probably nobody did. A gap like that can…

Five minutesShameEmotionally focusedQur’an 93:7

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.