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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

3 practices
Emotions as signals remove filterMe remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 2
Who it is written for · Me
My husband or wife 7A practitioner 7Someone I care about 4Me 3
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 2Struggling right now 1
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 12Both of us together 7Involves someone else 3
Theme · Emotions as signals
Medication and how it works 47Systems for daily life 26Staying regulated in conflict 24Knowing your partner 15Rebuilding trust 14Affection and touch 13Moving your body 13Listening and understanding 12Answering bids 11Rituals of connection 11Repair after rupture 11The moment before you snap 10Food, caffeine and fuel 10Breaking the worry loop 10Shared spiritual life 10Screens and attention 9What anger actually is 8Bringing the future closer 7Growing empathy 7Treatment and medication 7Choosing your response 7Feelings and focus 7Your nervous system 7Breathing 6Remembering to do it 6The cost of avoiding 6Get started 6Grounding and settling 6Equanimity and perspective 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Exercise, food and other supports 5Treatment and medication 5Facing it a step at a time 5What ADHD actually is 4When everything feels flat 4Structure and routine 4What worry does 4When you use something to cope 4Cool the body first 4Getting assessed and diagnosed 4Your sense of time 3Being seen and judged 3Tolerate distress 3Practising under provocation 3Emotions as signals 3Rest and pacing 2Gratitude 2Help someone grieving 2Panic and the body 2Shame 2Fondness and admiration 2What you are actually defending 2Touch and bodywork 2Ask and say no well 2Validate yourself and others 1Making it stick 1Safety and grounding 1Obsessions and compulsions 1When you go numb 1The fear underneath anger 1Living with uncertainty 1
When
After a row 2Under stress 1

Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.

Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.

A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.