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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

93 practices
Involves someone else remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
Area
Your marriage 31Focus, starting, and ADHD 23Worry and anxiety 13Anger 12Your body 10After harm 2Low mood and hard feelings 2
How long you have
A minute 36Five minutes 38Twenty minutes 14Longer 5
Who it is written for
Me 66A practitioner 57Someone I care about 52My husband or wife 39
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 50Struggling right now 39Getting ready for something 4
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 408Involves someone else 93Both of us together 23
Theme
Staying regulated in conflict 11The cost of avoiding 8Answering bids 7Screens and attention 6Affection and touch 5Your nervous system 4Feelings and focus 4Listening and understanding 3Knowing your partner 3Grounding and settling 2Getting assessed and diagnosed 2Structure and routine 2Treatment and medication 2Shame and stigma 2What worry does 2What anger actually is 2Systems for daily life 2The moment before you snap 2Choosing your response 2The fear underneath anger 2Moving your body 1Medication and how it works 1Reading, numbers and learning differences 1Feeling from the inside 1Facing it a step at a time 1Equanimity and perspective 1Growing empathy 1Emotions as signals 1Cool the body first 1Posture and how you carry yourself 1What you are actually defending 1Treatment and medication 1Tolerate distress 1Shared spiritual life 1Safety and grounding 1Rest and pacing 1Repair after rupture 1Rebuild trust 1Breaking the worry loop 1Exercise, food and other supports 1
Approach
Core 16Emotionally focused 16Gottman 15CBT 13ADHD skills 13Body based 10Medical and treatment 7Trauma informed 2Mindfulness 1
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 384Under stress 93After a row 69In a change 35Coming and going 34When apart 7Something good 3

When your spouse is hurting today, be the place they come to, not one more thing to manage.

Move toward the pain, not away. A hand, a nearness, a steady I am here.

A minuteAffection and touchEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:40

When your spouse reaches today, respond with tenderness before anything else.

Not advice, not a fix. First a soft word or a warm hand, then the rest.

A minuteAffection and touchEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

When your spouse is overwhelmed today, sit close and let your calm steady them.

You do not have to fix it. A steady body beside a flooded one helps it settle.

A minuteAffection and touchEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:40

Let your presence be the place your spouse can fall apart safely today.

No performance required with you. Make your nearness the one place they can just be.

A minuteAffection and touchEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:187

When they are upset, move physically closer before you say anything.

Nearness often comforts before any words can, and asks nothing in return.

A minuteAffection and touchCoreQur’an 30:21

Being cornered is a trigger all by itself. If you want somebody to come down, hand back a little freedom: a clear way out of the room, a choice about where to sit, some say in when this gets talked about.

Watch how fast things escalate the moment a person cannot move, cannot leave, cannot decide anything. It is not stubbornness, it is an old alarm…

A minuteThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 21:87

When someone comes at you angry, listen for the fear in it. It changes what you say next, and it changes what their anger does to you.

A raised voice usually produces apprehension, and apprehension makes people stiffen or back away. Hearing frightened rather than hostile leaves you…

Five minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:44

When your spouse reaches for you today, stop and answer, do not leave them waiting.

The reach may be small: a look, a text, a sigh. Being reachable is the whole thing.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your spouse is struggling today, be with them in it before offering any solution.

Resist the fix. First that sounds so hard, I am here. Solutions can come later, if at all.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Hear the real question under most conflict: are you there for me? Are you accessible, responsive, and engaged with me?

Beneath the argument about chores or money is an attachment question: can I reach you, do I matter, will you respond when I need you? Answering that…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your partner is distressed, the answer is not a fix but your presence: be with them, feel it with them, stay.

Disconnection is healed less by solving the problem than by emotional presence, being genuinely there, attuned and engaged, so your partner does not…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:46

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

Two weeks away is the point to stop waiting and ask for help. A year away is beyond what one appointment a week can carry.

Short absences often sort themselves out. Once a fortnight has gone, the pattern has usually begun to set, and the amount of practice needed to undo…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 29:69

Avoiding something makes today easier and tomorrow harder. Say that plainly, to yourself and to whoever is in it with you.

Without that sentence, asking someone to face a frightening thing looks like cruelty, and every conversation about it goes badly. With it, the choice…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 62:8

Nobody is asking you to go cold. Comfort your child properly, and watch where it lands: alongside them as they go, rather than waiting for them if they stay.

A hug at the door and a hand on the back on the way to the car sit on the side of going. A whole afternoon of being looked after because they did not…

A minuteThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 2:155

If staying home means an anxious child gets more of you, your comfort is quietly part of what keeps them there. That is not a failure of love.

This one is hard to see precisely because the soothing is kind and the distress is real. The usual shape is a fought over morning, the child stays,…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 65:2

On a day at home, be the person who supervises rather than the person who keeps them company. The warmth is not cancelled, it moves to the evening.

Hovering, chatting, sitting alongside them with a cup of tea: all of it is lovely, and all of it makes the day at home better than the day at school.…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 65:2

If a child can go to the school office whenever they like and stay as long as they like, that is an exit rather than a support. Agree a length, and a gap between visits.

Ten minutes, twice a day, with a return to lessons afterwards, is a support. Open ended visits from the first flutter of nerves onwards teach a very…

Five minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 62:8

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