Practices

Once it starts rolling, it gathers. A small exchange becomes a shouting match becomes something with consequences, and every step feels reasonable given the one before.

The cheapest place to stop is early, at the first sharp reply, long before you can see how far it has gone. Naming it out loud helps: "we are…

A face read quickly is a face read badly. Before you answer what you think you saw, allow that the flat look might be tiredness, or worry about something else entirely.

Faces get processed fast and with very little checking, which is why a neutral expression lands as contempt when you are already braced for it. If it…

What you are doing when you sit on the bank has a name. Researchers call it metacognitive distancing, and it has been studied for decades.

Knowing the name matters more than it should. Plenty of people, and especially people who were sent to get help rather than choosing it, quietly file…

If a river on a summer afternoon does nothing for you, use something plainer. Counting the traffic from a porch, or standing outside a shop counting how many people walk past, does the same job.

Metaphors are personal and there is no prize for liking the poetic one. Some people take to it straight away when it is a road and a stopwatch…

If the language of mindfulness puts you off, drop the language. Call it noticing what your mind is doing, and use it anyway.

Some people hear anything that sounds spiritual and close the door, and then a useful skill goes unused over a word. There is nothing here you have…