Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

24 practices

Staying regulated in conflict Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have

A minute 14 Five minutes 5 Twenty minutes 5

Who it is written for

Me 24 My husband or wife 24

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 36 Involves someone else 24

Theme · Staying regulated in conflict

Medication and how it works 61 Systems for daily life 37 The cost of avoiding 36 Screens and attention 26 Staying regulated in conflict 24 Moving your body 21 Treatment and medication 20 Knowing your partner 15 Exercise, food and other supports 15 Rebuilding trust 14 Affection and touch 13 Feelings and focus 13 What ADHD actually is 13 What anger actually is 13 Listening and understanding 12 Your sense of time 11 Rituals of connection 11 Your nervous system 11 Breaking the worry loop 11 Answering bids 11 Repair after rupture 11 Facing it a step at a time 10 The moment before you snap 10 Structure and routine 10 What worry does 10 Shared spiritual life 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 10 Getting assessed and diagnosed 10 Grounding and settling 9 Bringing the future closer 9 Equanimity and perspective 7 When everything feels flat 7 Get started 7 Treatment and medication 7 Growing empathy 7 Emotions as signals 7 Cool the body first 7 Choosing your response 7 Breathing 7 Remembering to do it 6 Reading, numbers and learning differences 6 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Shame and stigma 5 When you use something to cope 5 Tolerate distress 4 Touch and bodywork 4 Making it stick 3 Practising under provocation 3 Being seen and judged 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Panic and the body 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 The fear underneath anger 2 What you are actually defending 2 Help someone grieving 2 Fondness and admiration 2 Shame 2 Gratitude 2 Rest and pacing 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Ask and say no well 2 When you go numb 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Safety and grounding 1 Living with uncertainty 1

Approach

Gottman 17 Emotionally focused 7

When

After a row 11 Under stress 11 Any ordinary day 2

On the fight you keep having, stop trying to win it and ask what it means to them underneath.

What are you hoping for, or afraid of, in this. Then only listen for the dream beneath.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 49:13

Before you argue your side, say their side back so well that they feel understood.

Summarize what they mean until they say yes, that is it. Then, and only then, your turn.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 4:135

If you go silent and shut down, do not just stonewall. Say you need a break, and come back when calm.

Silent withdrawal makes it worse. Name that you are overwhelmed, take twenty minutes, then re-engage.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 25:63

When either of you floods, take a real break of at least twenty minutes before continuing, and agree when to return.

Past a certain heat the body cannot hear reason. Stop, settle, and come back at the time you set.

Twenty minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 2:45

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.