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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Equanimity and perspective remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 2Five minutes 5
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7Me 5Someone I care about 4My husband or wife 2
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 6Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 57Involves someone else 7Both of us together 4
Theme · Equanimity and perspective
Medication and how it works 61Systems for daily life 37The cost of avoiding 36Screens and attention 26Staying regulated in conflict 24Moving your body 21Treatment and medication 20Knowing your partner 15Exercise, food and other supports 15Rebuilding trust 14Feelings and focus 13What ADHD actually is 13Affection and touch 13What anger actually is 13Listening and understanding 12Repair after rupture 11Answering bids 11Rituals of connection 11Your sense of time 11Breaking the worry loop 11Your nervous system 11The moment before you snap 10Structure and routine 10Shared spiritual life 10Food, caffeine and fuel 10Facing it a step at a time 10Getting assessed and diagnosed 10What worry does 10Grounding and settling 9Bringing the future closer 9Growing empathy 7When everything feels flat 7Breathing 7Treatment and medication 7Get started 7Equanimity and perspective 7Emotions as signals 7Cool the body first 7Choosing your response 7Remembering to do it 6Reading, numbers and learning differences 6When you use something to cope 5Shame and stigma 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Tolerate distress 4Touch and bodywork 4Panic and the body 3Obsessions and compulsions 3Practising under provocation 3Being seen and judged 3Making it stick 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Rest and pacing 2Gratitude 2What you are actually defending 2Ask and say no well 2The fear underneath anger 2Fondness and admiration 2Feeling from the inside 2Help someone grieving 2Shame 2When you go numb 1Safety and grounding 1Validate yourself and others 1Living with uncertainty 1
Approach
Mindfulness 5Core 2
When
Any ordinary day 4After a row 2Under stress 1

Ask the question twice. What do you see, and what else do you see. What do you think, and what else do you think. The second one does all the work.

The second question takes for granted that another answer exists, so instead of defending the first you go looking. Used on yourself it works just as…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 10:24

Try putting a qualifier on the front of your strongest claims. In some ways this is true. In some ways it is not. In some ways I cannot tell from here.

Jain thinkers built a whole grammar out of that, seven careful ways of stating a thing, precisely so assertion stayed honest. Used well, a qualifier…

A minuteEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 65:3

When someone protests that swallowing their feelings is unnatural, agree with them, because it is. Then add the part they have not said: it is also necessary, and there are better ways to do it than swallowing.

Arguing that calm comes naturally costs you your credibility in a single sentence. Conceding the true half leaves nothing to defend, and the…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 2:157

When someone tells the story with every detail, the exact words, the way the door shut, what she was wearing, they are not wandering off the point. The detail is telling you how unsafe it felt.

Steering them back to the summary usually lands as being told their experience is a nuisance. Let it run a while and hear the detail as a reading of…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 6:59

A story that grips one person can harm another. Before reaching for something graphic to make a point, be sure you know who is in front of you.

Shocking images work because they stick, which is exactly the danger for someone who has hurt themselves before or who thinks about it when things go…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 65:3

You cannot argue anybody out of certainty, yourself included. What loosens a grip is play: a puzzle, a small experiment, a question where nobody has to lose.

If you want someone to hold a view more lightly, resist correcting it. Give them something to look at that shows them their own mind at work, and let…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 22:46

Have three or four openers ready before you need them. For what it is worth. Can I run something by you. You might not like this, so give me the benefit of the doubt.

When you are stirred up you will not compose diplomatic language on the spot, so the phrases have to be picked in advance and worn in. Say them aloud…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 3:173

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.