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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
When anger turns to harm remove filterOn my own remove filterCore remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 1Five minutes 4Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7Someone I care about 6Me 5
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 5Struggling right now 2
On your own, or with someone · On my own
Both of us together 8On my own 7
Theme · When anger turns to harm
What anger actually is 83The fear underneath anger 50Choosing your response 44The moment before you snap 35Equanimity and perspective 22Making it stick 15Reading, numbers and learning differences 14Righteous anger and perfectionism 13Staying regulated in conflict 12What you are actually defending 12Getting assessed and diagnosed 7When anger turns to harm 7Screens and attention 6Fondness and admiration 5Cool the body first 5Answering bids 5Repair after rupture 4Gratitude 4Question the thought 3Working with anger 2Treatment and medication 2Shared spiritual life 2Rituals of connection 2Knowing your partner 2Act on your values 2Affection and touch 1
When
Any ordinary day 3After a row 2Under stress 2

Whatever is driving it, behaviour that frightens someone is frightening. The reason behind it does not soften what it was like to stand on the other side of it.

Two people can do something that looks identical from outside and mean quite different things by it. That difference matters for what will help the…

A minuteWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 24:15

Harm that comes out of feeling threatened and harm that is done coldly, to get something, are not one problem wearing two faces. Before deciding what would help, work out which one you are looking at.

The first kind runs hot. A person feels cornered, the body goes off, and the damage is done inside a few seconds. The second is quiet and aimed, with…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 42:42

The person you love and the person who frightened you are one person, and you are not obliged to decide which of them is the real one. Both were in the room.

People tend to collapse this in one direction or the other. Either the frightening one is the truth and every kind thing was an act, or the kind one…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:110

Imagining revenge is ordinary and on its own tells you very little. What matters is whether it has started collecting details: a particular person, a method, a time, something bought or moved.

Almost everybody who is furious has run some version of a scene in their head, and treating that as alarming only teaches people not to mention it.…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 11:112

Before anything else, take seriously what self-injury is doing for a person. Pain in the body can be easier to hold than pain in the mind, and a hurt you chose yourself can feel like control coming back.

There are other honest reasons too. It can switch the world off for a while, or hold up a kind of armour: nobody can hurt me worse than I already do,…

Five minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 28:77

Some of what a person does to a partner is not defence and not temper. It is a script they watched at home, absorbed as ordinary, and never once held up to the light.

The tell is that it does not feel like a decision. There was no rush of heat and no sense of crossing a line, because at some level this is simply…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:19

If the harm has only ever happened when someone had been drinking, the drinking is not the background to an anger problem. It is the anger problem.

Families often know this long before anyone says it aloud: he is fine, except. Go through it honestly, every incident, drunk or sober, and if…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:29

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.