Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

29 practices

Making it stick On my own Clear all

How long you have

A minute 12 Five minutes 11 Twenty minutes 2 Longer 4

Who it is written for

Me 29 A practitioner 29 Someone I care about 14

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 18 Struggling right now 6 Getting ready for something 5

On your own, or with someone · On my own

On my own 29 Involves someone else 3 Both of us together 1

Theme · Making it stick

Your nervous system 108Medication and how it works 83 What anger actually is 83 The moment before you snap 76 Choosing your response 73 Get started 65 Systems for daily life 62 Grounding and settling 60 Equanimity and perspective 57 The fear underneath anger 57 Cool the body first 55 Touch and bodywork 52 Your sense of time 52 Food, caffeine and fuel 49 What ADHD actually is 49 Moving your body 48 Bringing the future closer 46 Exercise, food and other supports 44 When everything feels flat 44 Treatment and medication 43 Getting assessed and diagnosed 42 Feelings and focus 38 Staying regulated in conflict 36 Practising under provocation 36 Screens and attention 31 Shame and stigma 30 Making it stick 29 Breathing 28 Structure and routine 25 What worry does 24 Treatment and medication 24 Feeling from the inside 23 Tolerate distress 23 Being seen and judged 22 What you are actually defending 21 Remembering to do it 20 Growing empathy 20 When you use something to cope 19 Reading, numbers and learning differences 14 Obsessions and compulsions 13 Righteous anger and perfectionism 13 Fondness and admiration 13 Breaking the worry loop 13 Answering bids 13 Emotions as signals 12 Self-compassion 12 Question the thought 11 Facing it a step at a time 11 Knowing your partner 10 Shame 10 Use your strengths 9 Posture and how you carry yourself 8 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 Repair after rupture 8 Gratitude 7 When anger turns to harm 7 Shared spiritual life 7 When you go numb 4 Letting it out safely 4 Meaning after harm 4 Living with uncertainty 4 Calm the body 3 Name what you feel 3 Rebuilding trust 3 Rest and pacing 3 Safety and grounding 3 Act on your values 3 Let the wave come 3 Working with anger 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Get it out of your head 2 Hold a boundary 2 Work with your brain 2 Face it gently 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Keep the bond 2 Panic and the body 2 Find meaning 2 Listen to the body 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Affection and touch 2 Rituals of connection 2 The cost of avoiding 2 Ride the urge 2 Patience and trust 2 Validate yourself and others 1 Listening and understanding 1

Approach

Core 15 Mindfulness 14

When

Any ordinary day 20 Under stress 6 After a row 2 In a change 1

This goes the way learning a bicycle went. You could not, then you could but only with all of your attention, then one day you rode without thinking about it. The middle bit is the ugly bit.

In that middle phase the skill works but it costs you everything to use, and it looks clumsy from the outside. That is where most people decide it is…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 84:19

Meditation does more as upkeep than as a fire extinguisher. Doing it on the calm days is what lowers the level your threat system sits at.

If you only reach for it when you are already furious, it will seem useless and you will drop it, which is what usually happens. Practise it when…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 3:200

Notice how much of the tightness in you is the verdict you are passing. As the judging comes down, the body tends to come down with it.

This is something you can test rather than something to believe. Catch yourself narrating: he always does this, she has no respect, typical. Then…

Five minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 16:127

Knowing something calmly and feeling it are two separate achievements, and the second takes longer. If you can say the reasonable thing but it does not touch how you feel, you are partway, not failing.

The gap does not close by arguing with yourself harder. It closes by living it: doing the practice in real situations, in your body, while the…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickCoreQur’an 87:8

Pick the news channel you cannot stand and watch ten minutes of it on purpose. The only job is to notice what rises in you and let it go by.

Real provocation turns up when you are least ready for it. This gives you the feeling with nothing at stake: the indignation, the tightening, the…

Twenty minutesMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 41:35

It does get better, but not by waiting for time to pass. The improvement comes from the walking, and the walking is small and unremarkable.

Every rep you did today changes almost nothing you can feel, which is the honest and irritating truth of it. Progress here shows up over months and…

LongerMaking it stickMindfulnessQur’an 92:7

Skills bring the flare ups down in number and in heat. What they leave standing is the layer underneath: what you believe you are owed, and how you think people ought to behave.

That layer is slower work, closer to rebuilding a view of life than to learning a technique. What counts as fair, what can reasonably be expected of…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 13:11

Anger gets fed from several places: blame, not being able to bear not knowing, losing sight of the other person, and needs you never said out loud. Each one wants a different kind of work.

So it is worth asking which of them is mostly yours. If it is blame, forgiveness is the road. If it is not knowing, the work is learning to sit with…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 41:35

The work you are doing on anger does not stay in the anger box. Learning to hold an unanswered question, or to sit with what you cannot change, turns up in worry and in low patches too.

That is quietly encouraging on the days the anger part feels slow. It also means being careful about crediting every improvement to the anger work,…

LongerMaking it stickCoreQur’an 92:7

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.