Practices

Tell your spouse about a raw spot, an old tender place that still gets touched.

When you go quiet I feel abandoned, like I did as a child. Name the ache, not the blame.

Name one old hurt with your spouse that still aches, gently and without re-litigating.

When you were not there that day, it marked me. Naming it is not attacking, it is asking to heal.

When your spouse names a wound you caused, listen without defending, even once.

Not I didn't mean to. First: I hear that I hurt you, and I am sorry. Defence can wait.

Where the harm has truly stopped, begin to set down a grievance you have carried.

Not forgetting, releasing. Once the wound is no longer being made, let it start to close.

Once this week, sit together unhurried and share one feeling and one reassurance.

Not logistics. How are we really, and what do you need from me. A regular heart to heart.