Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

3 practices
How long you have
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
Where you are right now · Getting ready for something
On your own, or with someone
Theme
Approach
When · Any ordinary day

Set the terms of a break while nobody is angry: what you will say, how long you will take, where you will go, and that you will not drive. Then it is a shared arrangement rather than something you do to the other person.

Leaving can be used as a weapon. Two days of silence, walking out while someone is crying, driving off into the night: all of that can wear the…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:159

Before you practise something exposing with someone, say out loud what is not at risk. I will not think less of you, and nothing between us changes here.

It sounds obvious and it does a great deal of work. If the relationship really is on the line, then the discomfort is not symbolic and no amount of…

A minutePractising under provocationCBTQur’an 8:46

Decide now what you will say when it happens, while nothing is happening. A line chosen in the calm is worth more than any resolve you can summon mid row.

Keep it short and unheroic: I need ten minutes, I am not walking out on you. Say it aloud a few times so your mouth knows the shape of it. And if…

Five minutesThe moment before you snapCoreQur’an 25:63

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.