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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

3 practices
Equanimity and perspective remove filterFive minutes remove filterMy husband or wife remove filterClear all
How long you have · Five minutes
A minute 3Five minutes 3
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
A practitioner 44Me 42Someone I care about 30My husband or wife 3
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 2Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone
Both of us together 2Involves someone else 1
Theme · Equanimity and perspective
Emotions as signals 19Feelings and focus 10Staying regulated in conflict 9Knowing your partner 8What anger actually is 7Rebuilding trust 7When you go numb 6Remembering to do it 5Listening and understanding 5Shared spiritual life 4Your nervous system 3Growing empathy 3Equanimity and perspective 3Rituals of connection 3Shame 3The moment before you snap 3Treatment and medication 3Systems for daily life 2Choosing your response 2Bringing the future closer 2Repair after rupture 2Practising under provocation 1Affection and touch 1The fear underneath anger 1What you are actually defending 1Use your strengths 1Your sense of time 1
Approach
Mindfulness 2Core 1
When
After a row 2Under stress 1

You do not have to jump straight to understanding. Try the step before it: hands open, honestly puzzled, help me see what just happened here.

It has to be a real question. The rhetorical version, asked with your jaw set, makes things worse and both of you know it. Ask, then stay quiet long…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 6:59

You can be completely right and still lose the room. Usually the trouble is not the point you are making, it is the edge you are making it with.

Softening how you say something is not conceding it. It is the difference between being heard and being braced against. Listen for the tells in your…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 41:46

Have three or four openers ready before you need them. For what it is worth. Can I run something by you. You might not like this, so give me the benefit of the doubt.

When you are stirred up you will not compose diplomatic language on the spot, so the phrases have to be picked in advance and worn in. Say them aloud…

Five minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 3:173

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.