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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

2 practices
Choosing your response remove filterA minute remove filterMy husband or wife remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 2Five minutes 2Twenty minutes 3
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
Me 36A practitioner 30Someone I care about 7My husband or wife 2
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 1On my own 1
Theme · Choosing your response
Staying regulated in conflict 46Answering bids 22Fondness and admiration 15Affection and touch 14Knowing your partner 14Repair after rupture 13Gratitude 9Listening and understanding 8Rituals of connection 6Shared spiritual life 6Feelings and focus 5Emotions as signals 5Rebuilding trust 4Equanimity and perspective 3Bringing the future closer 3The moment before you snap 3Practising under provocation 2Remembering to do it 2Choosing your response 2What you are actually defending 1Growing empathy 1Treatment and medication 1Systems for daily life 1Shame 1Your sense of time 1
Approach
Core 1Gottman 1

A new response cannot be laid on top of a cycle that is still turning. Break the circle first, even clumsily, and the room for something else appears.

Interrupting looks small and slightly silly: standing up, walking to another room, going quiet mid sentence, putting the phone face down.…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 28:55

Before you walk out, say three things: this is getting heated, I need a bit of space, I will be back and we will carry on. The sentence is the skill, not the walking.

An exit with no words is read as punishment, and the other person will usually follow you to finish it, which is how a break turns into the worst…

A minuteChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 33:70

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.